"Hello World"

It's been a long time since I've jotted down my thoughts in public space.. and there have been several reasons for it.. I've been caught up with many not-so-nice things recently, which affected my ability to sit down and emote on paper.

But today, I feel like writing something.. for a bunch of people that I have known for one and a half years and loved. It may me the tiramisu and wine effect (if you have something sweet along with some alcohol, on an empty stomach, it is sure to get you tipsy).. but here I go, in any case.

Today my best friends at grad school, threw me a surprise farewell party. And I didnot realise how much I needed it till it was actually over. And right now all I'm thinking is how much I want to thank them: Renuka, Neha, Karishma, Sophia, Priyanka, Arpan, Vijay, Kunal, Anish, Samrit & Yatin..(and apna Karan) these are people who I've known (some less and some more), since August 2007.. and now that I'm graduating in two weeks' time, it has struck me that they have been a major part of my life, and college and campus life just wouldn't be the same without them.

My roomies.. Pillu, Mundu & Curry (my adorable sex & the city bunch).. especially.. a big thanks to them. They've lived with me and suffered through three semesters. Our apartment has been a home away from home, and a hang-out of sorts.. The amount I have enjoyed with all these people (a dozen of them) and learned so many things in such a short time.. is incomprehensible. Each of them have had some qualities that I have admired and seeked and many characteristics that I have clicked with at some level. I've been very, very lucky to have found them.

In the past year and a half I have been through the most extreme times, touching the zenith and feeling ecstatic (that the world is at my feet) at one point and wallowing in abyss and disturbing thoughts (that things were just crumbling without any remedy) at another.. I have had the best evenings, night-outs, vacations, trips, midnight conversations, grocery shopping turns, cook-outs, drives, parties and impromptu heart-to-hearts about anything and everything under the sun. And they know that I have had personal troubles.. ranging from pure heartbreak to worrying unemployment, where I have continously turned to them for a shoulder to cry on, a soundboard to pour my thoughts out to and inexplicable mood swings where I have been quite unbearable.. and they've been there, done more that one would expect a friend to.. and I cannot even begin to appreciate it. They've given me some of the best times, and softened some of my worst times.... I love them. Even though I've had my share of debates, fights, arguments and disagreements... I still love them. 

Priyanka mentioned today.. that I should blog.. and so I'm doing just that. Just to publicly state what I feel.. and they know I'm a private person.. and I also know that no one else in the world will have any damn interest in reading what I have to write about my life or my friends.. but this one post is just for them.

I'm moving out, and even though I'll be around and we'll be in touch (yes, I'll make sure I'll call you all up and interfere when you least want it-- I can hear Samrit say 'Oh No... I though we were done with her already!'), I also know, that things wont be the same.. unless ofcourse we take a vacation together.. rent a condo in Miami.. where we stay for a week.. or maybe Panama City Beach all over again.. or why not Goa.... I know that's a place we all would love.. .. anyways.. I'm digressing..

So Renuka.. sweetheart.. a strong, stubborn girl that you would love to know, talk to, argue with, hear her opinions and count as one of your closest friends.. To prove something to her or to prove her wrong, you need some solid evidence to back you up. She is resilient and in our house, she has been the second most scary person (the first was me).. She know how I connect with her.. I can't state it. She also knows that I'm the one who shreiks and argues the most with her on a disagreement.. but.. in the end, she's special, man (no wonder we have a chemistry). No other word.. especially when she's slightly high :D I need to meet her frequently enough to enjoy my chai-ParleG with her and horrify her with stories of how North Indians are :) I still have to understand what she means by TNIC.. maybe someday I'll get it. Her singing in the kitchen.. and that too, the most flop 90's hindi songs.. her instructions of how to cut onions in her cook book, her redirection of all my forwards to junk mail, her dare-devil attitude but also a selective paranoia, her unwavering practicality and also her sudden sentimentality.. I'm going to miss her. Thanks for encouraging me for a lot of things and also for being there.

Neha.. the classy, brain.. who is associated with everything pink and fashionable. The quiet girl who shows her emotions not by her face, but the frequency of waving of her leg. Most of her responses are 'No' or 'I don't mind'.. and some contemplative 'Ok's.. :) The girl who I've spent the night with after a session of horror stories, the friend who is so absolutely generous that even when I broke her earrings she didn't mind, the girl who is sassy and bitchy in a way that you'll love it, and is so tender and caring that you feel like hugging the tiny thing.. and did I mention strength and will-power? She has loads.. She's a chic, there is not doubt about that... I love the one-on-one conversations I've had with her and I appreciate that she's trusted me with a lot of things. A girl you have to know in your life, else you'll miss out on something. I'm so happy I have someone to discuss Bollywood, celebrity gossip, and designer clothes with :) The only girl I know who gets straight 4.0s and makes her achievements look easy and the-most-obvious thing in the world on one hand, while managing to play arcade games in heels, and carry off a weird red leather purse on the other hand. Hugs..

Karishma.. my fellow Bbay-iite (especially when the Pune crowd gets too much), engineering, jeans-n-sports-shoes mate, rum-n-coke buddy.. There are so many fundas I have in common with her..  A girl who is such a baby at times that you feel like tugging her curly hair and pulling her cheeks while her sudden giggles just have to make u grin. And at other times, she's a reserved, no-nonsense chick who speaks less, is carefully diplomatic but still sticks to the issues she strongly stands for, and makes sense everytime she opens her mouth.. and is someone you should not mess with. But more than that, she's just committed and good at everything she takes up. Badminton to cooking.. to learning a new programming language even though she doesnt have a comp-science background.. I've seen her follow the darndest of study schedules, and juggle multiple things, be humble about her achievements, and always hide any disappointments with a gracious silence.. Again, my conversations with her have been some truly helpful ones.. I can still see her listen to me and then proceed to reply with just the right things. She's a true child-woman and a go-getter. Everyone who gets to know her has nothing but appreciation. I'm glad she decided to let me be a part of her close circle of pals.. not everyone gets that privilege :)

Sophia, the quiet (that's what the world thinks - I know better!), intelligent, hard working, unexpectedly absent-minded friend.. who always generated disappointment in every guy because she's married. :) She finds everything 'funny' - that's her favourite adjective.. One of my closest friends.. and been through thick & thin with me, in personal matters as well as academic issues! My M.S. would not have been the same if I didn't have her to write the most nonsensical things to, on Starbucks tissue papers, in middle of our lectures.. or to wake me up for early morning classes.. or have all kinds of unmentionable discussions with. The one girl who I could heartily gossip with about our classmates, job scenarios, weddings, couples, families, people and incidents that were not even related to us! She always works a lot, more than what's required and I always yell at her when I feel that someone's using her sincerity.. Sorry about that :) She always screws up her nose when she disapproves... and laughs a lot of things off easily.. which is such a chilled-out thing! Over 3 sems she's finally corrected my impressions of IITians (especially IIT females) and I have corrected her impression about 'people from Bombay'.. :D The girl who can work smart or work hard, depending on the situation, who everyone would seek for any answer, who you can't help but respect for all that she is. I'm gonna think of her everytime I see Chai-Tea-Latte at Starbucks.. or go to Zara's, or see the towel-like skirts at Soho streets, or feel like showing my middle finger to a certain place in NY :) ..  QCF just wouldnt have been the same without you.. and neither would my summer - Thanks for being there and coming by when I really needed you. Muah.

I can write so much more about Arpee... ("Awwwwww..", dishes, childish squabbles, spontaneous play-acting, TNIC fundae, smart-ass lies, pataofying-plans, gaddi-that-needs-a-silencer, batman-*******, sleeping-on-the-********-floor-****, constant appreciation of his own hair and reflection..)... Prinka.. (desserts & conversations & awesome taste in music) and all other ppl.. but I'll stop now.. because you get my point..

Just to summarize,

Thank you .. and.. I love you.. and I will miss you.

Please always stay in touch.

-Meeta

(Atlanta.. 30 Nov 2008.. 3.23 AM.. GLC 508D)

Breathing in your surroundings..

It's downright unfair when the weather outside is beautiful, and all that you can do is stare outside the window wistfully and dream and ponder about things that would normally not strike you.. before you reluctantly turn back to your laptop or your book. Since the past two days, the erratic climate of the city has made up its mind to settle on a cloudy, rainy, wet atmosphere which is occasionally hit by lightning and thunder.. (which you wouldn't even notice in India, but here a campus weather alert pops up in your student inbox).. This feels like Bombay in August when it has just stopped raining.. or a cooler Pune (I haven't been there much my gang of friends insist that this feels like sitting in their Pune balconies and so I take their word for it)..

It's the kind of weather that calls for combinations of home made adrak-ki-chai, and spicy pakodas... or hot coffee and curly fries.. or the cutting chai and warm bun-maska of an old Irani restaurant.... maybe even fresh, crisp parathas.. mmm.. I could go on... I look down my window and I can see one of my friends puffing a cigarette in the yard. I make a face of disapproval (I'm the against-smoking types).. but even that can't hamper my peace. I decide to step out and walk to the univ library to start my project which is due the next day. So I trudge along.. for once, glad that my heavy laptop in my backpack is helping me slow my pace. I gaze at the wide roads with cars going by as I wait for the signals to cross (I chuckle at how I used to cross roads outside Andheri station, once upon a time.. If you can make it to the other side without being hit by a bus/rick/bike, you've mastered an important art). I see students walking by. Today, it isn't cold and it's nice to see regular t-shirts and summer-wear instead of the sweatshirts and jackets. They are not hurrying too much either, despite the fact that its exam week. Maybe the weather has gotten to them too.

I pass by the 'greek housing'- the sorority and fraternity houses. I see the young undergrads gathered outside, chatting and cooking out. The partying seems to have begun. One of the buildings has a flag "To hell with exams". I feel so glad when I read that. Atleast someone agrees with me. A flutter of breeze makes me feel like walking with my face turned towards the sky, such that I can't see where I'm going but only feel my steps and a sense of motion. If it didn't look stupid and if there weren't any roads to cross, I would have probably been mad enough to do that.

Finally I reach the department building. There's a Barnes and Nobles and Starbucks there (on the first floor). I enter B&N, one of my favourite places on campus, and idly check out new books. I like the decor, colours, smell of the place. There are a few people studying here too.. as we have successfully converted it into an unofficial univ library. I look at the newly released Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth for the Nth time. I spotted it a week ago and I've made a mental note to gobble it up the day my exams end. And then my weakness, the aroma of coffee beckons. I turn and step into Starbucks. Hmm, no cute guys behind the counter today. Aah well that's fine.. Instead, we have a discount going on, since it's 'finals week'. As I have student-blood running through my veins, I inadvertantly do not leave any opportunities to obtain free or reduced-price food. So I save 60 cents, as I place an order for my tall & extra-hot poison. I glance at the crowd sitting around the place, and enjoy being a silent observer of the various people who are lounging about. There's a guy sleeping on a much-coveted sofa. Two girls discussing some issue passionately. A few people glued to their laptops. A bunch of professors (maybe) having a casual conversation, while shaking their legs. My coffee is ready and I check my watch: time to begin work.

I go up to our "lab" which resembles a trading floor (built by the humungous tution paid by our seniors, no doubt) and our "room" (probably added as an after-thought). Some of my classmates are already there, immersed in their assignment, punching keys rapidly and turning around to discuss random doubts (literally speaking, since most our coursework involves random processes). I enter and we all look at each other, sharing the "We are so *****d because there's so much to do" grin. My partners in rhyme. Back to the grind.

Ugh. Men!

--- The situation and characters are purely fictional and are not to be held as a representative of womankind in general -----


(Knock, knock)
She-1: Who is it?
She-2: It's me. Are you studying?
She-1: (Minimizing you-tube) Er.. not really. Come in.
She-2: You know what......
She-1: (putting aside her laptop quickly) What? What happened. Why are you looking so glum?
She-2: It's just that...
She-1: Is it him again....?
She-2: No.. I don't know. It's not him. It's me.
She-1: (hugging She-2) Chill sweetie. Men are *#%#^#%@.
She-2: I know. Why are they so stupid.
She-1: They just are. They don't get it. They are just %#^#^$%#^, of the highest order.
She-2: Mmm hmm..
She-1: I can't believe that sensible, fairly strong, generally level-headed women like us who have gotten this far in life, get so swayed by emotional stuff. Why... where does our rationality, logic, chilled-out nature disappear?
She-2: I dunno. :(
She-1: (sigh) He hasn't called today. I think he doesnt like me.
She-2: No, dont say that. It's _____ who doesn't like me.
She-1: No, no.. I'm sure he does. He must be busy.
She-2: Your ______ must be busy too.
She-1: No he's not busy. Plus, dont say 'your'. He's not mine.
She-2: Ok :(
She-1: Ok :(
She-2: The other day when I met him, he said this. He's so cute sometimes.
She-1: Yeah.. I know what u mean. Two days ago, I was telling him about ___. And he said _____. So cute!
She-2: (smile) shit.
She-1: (grin)... what is wrong with us?
She-2: Dunno.. Forget it, I don't care.
She-1: Yeah, me neither. Who gives a damn. They're stupid anyway.
She-2: Yeah, I swear. But I like him yaar.
She-1: (sigh) Yeah.. I know what you mean. Dammit.
...
..
She-3 enters.
She-3: What's happening, girls? Come out.
She-2: No ya.. don't feel like.
She-3: What happened?
She-1: Just....
She-3:(after glaring at the other two and judging the situation, turns to She-1) Oh, cmon.. he likes you..
She-1: Really? You think so?
She-2: Yeah.. see I told you.
She-1: Don't worry. Your guy likes you too. I'm sure he does.
She-3: (looking at She-2). Uh. I'm not too sure about your case. I think he has another girl.
She-2: What!!
She-3: Yeah.. ofcourse. Remember the other day, when he came in and said ______. And then you did ____... and he just ______..! Who does that? Normal guys don't do that. I think he's cheating on you. I didn't want to tell you this earlier but I think it's the right time. I really think he doesn't like you.
She-2: (mumbling) Nooo.. I don't believe it...... If.. but.... then...
She-1: Tch! She's joking, stupid.
She-3: Heh heh.
She-2: (grins) Biiiyaaaatch!!!
She-1: Heh heh..
She-3: Obviously I'm kidding woman.. It's us. What's not to like?
She-1: You bet!
She-2: Yeah.. totally. Men are idiots anyways. If they don't appreciate us, it's their damn loss.
She-1: Yeah screw them.
She-2. Yeah.. chal I'll go and study. I shall not think about him.
She-1: Me too. It's not like I'm dying to talk to him or anything.
She-3: Exactly! Who cares anyways...? We don't need them.
..
..
[Some guy's voice from outside]
She-3: (grins) It's him [her bf]. Chal I'm going out.
[She-3 leaves]
..
She-2: (sigh) Well that's that! So much for us not needing them.
[Phone beeps...]
She-2: It's him! (picks the call) Hello? Where are you?
[She-2 leaves the room]
She-1: Goodnight.
[Looking at her phone.. ]
..
..
[after an hour]
[Phone beeps]
She-1: Hello!
He: Hey. I was out.
She-1. Cool.. where?
He: Uh, just this place...
She-1: Oh k..! Guess what..?....
(blah blah.....)
..
..




(And their world is fine again.. for a day atleast)

Doctors

I'm a huge fan of the medical profession, or rather, my illusion of it. It began in school when I read Erich Segal's Doctors and I was further intrigued by Arthur Hailey's Final Diagnosis. Watching a very sexy George Clooney prance about the ER, saving lives, only attracted me further. I could picture myself in a stethoscope and white sneakers, with a miracualously upgraded IQ and memory, running around some tiled emergency rooms yelling '200 cc Stat!!', and pumping half-dead fellows, and basically saving people. Destiny had it that most of my friends in junior college were interested in pursuing medical studies. I followed the trend and prepared for the required entrances myself. Boy, was it fun! Never cared for Botany, but Zoology was good. Dissecting frogs or observing body organs felt very professional. But I should have known that the unexpected/unplanned always happens to me. At the time of deciding a future path, I picked engineering and left the nice medical seat that I was getting, because somehow I knew that I didn't have the passion that such a demanding line required.

Even now, I do like to know what my doc-pals are upto.. how they liked/hated their first injections/surgeries/deliveries/diagnosis. Today, one such old friend of mine, who I was barely in touch with.. pinged me online. He's a great guy who made it to a top med school in India and is now pursuing US MLE exams here (that's the GRE/GMAT equivalent, except that you can take it only once.. and its wayyyyy tougher). I caught up with him and it made me think of three other people I know who are planning to come to U.S... for these exams, and to pursue the degree here. Greener pastures, better exposure, a thirst to get out and learn more.. in a different way? Yes, probably. But I wonder how much it has to do with the fact that the medical post-grad seats are so few in India. And there's the reservation fiasco which takes up a chunk of the existing handful. Firstly, we dont have enough good colleges and infrastructure in certain professions. With the growth rate of our population, maybe they should have increased the numbers of AIIMS, KEMs, IITs, NLSs (that's the best law school in India). There are just more people now.. An entire generation waiting to be educated. And those who don't make it are not ready to settle for the second best when they know that there are other options. And rightly so. Secondly, the reservations issue (particular to medical field) just adds to the complications.. Boy, I do feel strongly about that. I remember that this same friend of mine was an active participant in the Youth For Equality agitations that occured some time ago. The newsies were splashed with young students being subjected to water hoses, in order to contain the crowd. Recently, another friend (a doctor), who had once said that he could never imagine moving out of Bombay, informed me about his U.S. plans prompting me to take a reality check on what's happening in their world (Oh yes, they do have a completely 'different world'.)

Till now, I had seen and heard about brain-drain in technological fields. It's commonly known that engineers prefer doing their graduate and post-grad studies in U.S. After I came here, I realised why. (And I can't explain it in this post because that could be a seperate subject altogether.) In case of MBA, the trend to step out of India is still not that common.. primarily because international institutes demand an experience centric profile..and also because MBA is really costly (when converted to INR). Most people cannot afford it and/or are not willing to wait till they are old enough and have built the profile to get into a foreign B-school. And that makes sense, because some premier Indian B-schools serve their requirement of getting the management degree, sufficiently well (or so I think).

But what about doctors? They are a class apart .. and a profession that one has to be careful with. They are over-stressed and under-paid (atleast at the start) and I'm sure that gets to them anyway. Even if their passion helps them hold on to it, the lack of opportunities and complete apathy to concept of meritocracy, could work as the last straw. Can we afford to lose good doctors in our country? The news websites have recently pointed out that India needs a lot more doctors. Maybe that's why med students have the mandatory rural 'internship' as a part of their MBBS course. I'm sure they are not very enthusiastic about that either. I think everyone would agree that in case of our health we want the best service possible- which implies good doctors. To produce such competent doctors and retain them, they need to be provided with suitable infrastructure, opportunities and monetary incentives. Is there a solution to this? Or will we be experiencing a medical brain-drain soon enough? Once the students see the kind of fantastic research that goes on in foreign countries, the better standard of life that they get from the start (as compared to India), the university-hospitals infrastucture, the possible avenues of studying-working throughout their life in a flexible manner, dealing with and learning about new kinds of medical problems, and being in a nation where every pill requires a prescription, every person has a therapist and a nutritionist, and the general immunity of people is low, will they ever go back to India?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not being a hypocrite and saying that all other professionals (engineers, analysts etc) will definitely go back, but somehow the loss of doctors from the country strikes me as a more 'dangerous' matter than the migration of other people. Maybe because.. in the case of doctors, it IS a matter of life and death.. Not for them, but for us.

Getting started

By far, the most difficult step for some people is getting started. On something.. on anything.. especially when you know it has to be done. Laziness, procrastination and boredom at the very thought of getting into the task in question kick in. And the irony is, that if someone tells you that it need not be done, the appeal associated with that very same work/situation trickles back.

My final exams are going on, and I fear glancing at the pile of notes and fat books waiting to be read. So what do I do instead? I surf the net, refresh my inbox (telling myself that I'm checking for important emails from Professors), facebook a bit (just in case there are important friend updates), listen to music (need to rejuvinate myself before I begin studying), eat salsa and chips in an obsessive, continuous fashion (the brain consumes one-fifth of the food you have, and so I must fuel it up before getting work done).. Finally, I've done all of that. So I venture out to chat with some people and get shoo-ed away because they are busy studying for their exams. I call up this guy I know, to talk about nothing in particular, but he's driving. So I trudge back into my room.. disappointed at the lack of opportunities that would further postpone the inevitable. And then, inspiration strikes.. and I decide to create a blogging space of my own. Ok, to be honest, it was a suggestion by a dear friend who wanted me to have a more precise output for my 'random ramblings'.

So, here goes nothing..